Undoubtedly the best pub in Soho. Don't expect to find a clean glass.
Don't expect to get served unless you can be forceful enough to push
your way to the front. When you get there, be prepared to shout your
order at the Italian or East European bar staff – and don't forget
you'll be drinking either Stella or London Pride. The latter is one of
the country's best pints of bitter, thanks to the taste of the Thames at
Chiswick. Pint in hand (lunchtimes you may be able to perch at the bar
with a pickled egg), proceed outside to the pavement opposite, sit down
against the back wall of the Palace Theatre, ancient home of Les Mis.,
and wait for the visual assault – beggars, performers, octogenarian
theatre goers, and all the ragtag rabble of Soho workers drinking
themselves into a stupor before stumbling off to a party or a sex show.
Enjoy!
Greek St, W1
Bricklayers Arms
A pub with a really small bar. Glaswegians will like to tell you (when
they are extremely drunk and repetitive of a Tuesday morning just after
opening time) that they once knew a place with a really LONG bar. I mean
really, really LONG. Well, the Bricklayers wasn't it. So you have to be
on your toes to get a space, but the staff know this, and if you get
demoralized into thinking your drink will never be drawn, there's a
rather longer bar upstairs. Rather like the C&H, this is a pub for Soho
regulars, but in this case it's a bit more off the beaten track,
therefore rather more civilized, and well worth a visit for a good tight
conflab with a mate over an excellent Sam Smith's.
The Toucan
This place is niche, insofaras you won't find anywhere better for a pint
of Guinness. But if the black stuff isn't your thing, it's still worth a
look for curiosity's sake, as the pints of velvetine black liquid will
be lined up well in advance of orders by multiple taps all serving just
one beverage, a production line of Ireland's favourite tipple. On the
street outside (it's often difficult to get through the front door, and
if you do, it's usually claustrophobic inside) you'll have a glimpse of
Soho Square, where the young workers of London's most vibrant district
pause for 5 minutes at lunch, look up at the trees waving in the wind,
try to ignore the rumble of buses up and down Tottenham Court Road, and
wish they weren't slaving their guts out for fifty pounds a day. Sup
slowly, and dream of the Emerald Isle.
Carlisle St, W1
The Crown and Two Chairmen
This used to be purely drinking. In 2006 it had a revamp, with
pretensions to offer food. As Soho is so full of excellent places to
eat, it's surprising to find top quality traditional pubs trying to
break this market. But while the Crown and Two might not have the finest
or cheapest menu on offer, it still retains its old Soho boozy
atmosphere. It's difficult to say how, exactly. Perhaps the old soul of
a pub never quite dies. Perhaps its regulars don't like to shift to new
stools. Perhaps their reputation for maintaining clean taps is
deservedly kept. Whatever you think, be sure to drop in. It's historic.
Dean St, W1
All Bar One
I'm reviewing this to tell you that pretty much any other pub in Soho is
better. If you really want to scrape the barrel, if you hanker after
going home with a minger, if you want to tank up on 'beater and get
lifted through the livestock in the arms of four steroidally overdosed
bouncers to do some maximum-force pavement kissing before pulling
yourself to your feet and having a go at putting someone you've never
seen or talked to before into casualty, or if you just want to put paid
to the paltry remnant of brain cells drifting around your genetically
inferior skull, then make a special trip to this awful place. You will
meet your wildest expectations. You will excel yourself as pitiful scum.
You will deservedly wear the crown of least discerning drinker. Welcome
to the Club of Fools!
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